101in1001: Own a plant I like.
I did it! Two Sundays ago, I went to this stand by the side of the road, and in addition to some unbelievably yummy-looking fresh strawberries, I also bought:
A Japanese Painted Fern!
This is what I wrote immediately after purchasing the poor bastard:
This is probably the worst idea in the universe. Worst case scenario, I will manage not to kill it and it will get unbelievably large and take over my whole house. And then it will grow a brain and plot with Caesar to turn Paul and I into their servants (which we pretty much are anyway). Cat and Fern will rampage together throughout Minneapolis, devouring all those who dare not bow before them.
I got it because ferns remind me of dinosaurs. If anyone has any clue how to keep this thing alive, all comments are welcome. I think I will repot it, because it is an exceedingly ugly black plastic container right now. This assumes I have any idea how to repot things.
Oh, lord. Look out for this little plant.
I have a history of, well, killing plants. Which is to say that no plant I've ever owned lived. Sorry, Thea--that badass mofo you gave me died, too. They all died. I don't know what to do with them. It's as though somebody handed me an alien baby and told me to keep it alive. I don't know how much sun to give it! I don't know if it's drowning! I don't know what the crap it needs, much less how I should not kill it.
I watered it once when the soil got kind of dry, but it looked okay. But within ONE WEEK of purchase, the poor thing is drying up and what isn't drying up is turning yellow. Looking at the picture of it from its beautiful youth is a sad reminder of how clearly it is dying.
What do I do?!?
I researched it a bit and now I am trying to restrain myself from spraying it with water every six minutes in anxiety. I've moved it to a sunnier spot, especially when Paul pointed out that in Minnesota, full to partial shade really means partial shade. I think in New Mexico, full to partial shade really means full. Anyway, that's my theory and I'm sticking to it.
That poor little fern. I love it, but I cannot help but kill it, for mine is the Dry Thumb of Death, and you can hear it roaring in outrage at any living plant matter.
